JP: Pity Party

JP writes:

Ever have one of "those" days. Sure you have. One of those days where you just want to crawl back into bed and just pull the sheet up over your head and shut out the world. I recently did. However, God wouldn't let me enjoy it. My journal entry for that day was titled, "GOD WHAT'S YOUR DEAL!!!!!!!!!" Let the rant begin. It seemed that morning everything just piled up - lack of sleep, low self-esteem, lack of faith, feeling of inadequacy, family strife (I know, hard to believe!), and abandoned by God. So, I thought that I would just let Him know what I was feeling. Like He didn't already know - Psalm 139 1-4 "O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up: You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, and are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, You know it all."

Basically God was saying, "I already know, but if it makes you feel better, go for it." So, I did. During worship that morning before class, I let it fly. Kristian said there was smoke coming from my pen. Two pages and many !!!!!?????!!!!, underline, underlines later, I finished with "Jesus, show me today, not tomorrow, but today that you love me. And if I really am valuable and worthy to be listened to, prove it today." Sounds like a demanding 3 year old, huh?

Well, our loving Savior didn't leave me hanging for long. At 2 PM that day we began our time in the prayer room. Precious Mallory asked God what He wanted her to do that day. "Write your Daddy a love letter" was the response. So, at 2:45 I receive this beautiful, colorful love letter from Mallory and God. It begins, "Dear Daddy, I love you so much!" and proceeds in detail to let me know how much He loves me, how proud He is, how precious I am to Him, and that He has plans for me.

We all have days where we feel abandoned by God. But the last thing Jesus said was a promise to us, "I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20). Will He always answer quickly? No, but that doesn't mean that He does know and care. How many times did I stand silently on the other side of the bedroom door as my children cried out in the middle of the night. My heart ached but I knew this trial was necessary. But other times when they were hurting or needy, I responded immediately. His timing is perfect. God tell us that we have ravished His heart (Song 4:9) and that we are the apple of His eye (Zech 2:8). Even though we may forget these truths in our despair or pity party, He never does.

Call out to Him during your times of trial. Don't you know that you've caught His eye? His eyes are aflame with fire, a fire that reflects His love and zeal for you as the coming Bridegroom and King.